By Amy Hitt:
A decade ago, I read a tiny little book called, Timeless Wisdom: A Life Changing Quotation Book. Boy, was that title accurate! On page three, I stumbled across a quote that certainly changed MY life. It was by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., and it said:
“We are all tattooed in our cradles with the beliefs of our tribe. You cannot educate a man wholly out of the superstitious fears which were implanted in his imagination, no matter how utterly his reason may reject them.”
Isn’t that so true? There are things I believe to be true that I have no idea why I believe them…things that don’t even make sense. But, somebody told me that they was true when I was little, and they have stuck with me ever since. We should certainly think twice and three times and four times before we open our mouths in front of little children. Especially, during the first five years, since those years set the tone for their entire lives.
The phrase in that quote that jumped out at me was “tattooed in our cradles.” Tattooed in our cradles, I thought to myself. “Tattooed in the Cradle”…what a great title for a song. I was working in the music industry in Nashville at the time, so I sat down with that inspiration and wrote a song with that title.
Speaking of being tattooed in my cradle, I’ve been a songwriter almost my entire life. I remember waking up early one morning…I have no idea how old I was, but I was pretty small. I guess, I had written my first song the day before or something, because I grabbed my tiny guitar or it might have been my dad’s ukulele and my spiral notebook, and I started banging out the song in my very best voice while sitting on the living room floor. My parents were still asleep, but not for long! The song was a sappy love song. I don’t know who I thought I was in love with, but I must have REALLY been in love to sing in the presence of my parents, because I was painfully shy as a child. When I was finished singing, my expected standing ovation turned out to be just a couple of giggling adults down the hall…and no wonder.
Why do we turn out the way we do? Why was I a child songwriter? I’m sure it was because I had family in the music business…I was familiar with it at an early age. Songs and singing were an implanted possibility in my psyche.
I think, we probably sit with God before we come down to Earth, and we decide what we want to learn. And then, God draws out a blueprint for our whole life…the events and types of people that will give us the opportunities to grow into the person we want to become. Of course, opportunity also gives us the choice to turn into the person we DON’T want to be. Each event is a crossroads. It’s either the right way or the left way…go right or get left.
In his book, Inspiration, Wayne Dyer has this great dialogue with God called, “My Conversation with My Spirit Before Manifesting into a Physical Particle.” It goes like this:
God: What would you like to accomplish on this journey you’re about to undertake?
Wayne: I’d like to teach self-reliance, compassion, and forgiveness.
God: Are you certain this is what you wish to dedicate this lifetime to?
Wayne: Yes. I can see the need even more clearly now.
God: Well, then, I think we’d better put [you] into a series of foster homes and have you stay there for a decade or so, where you’ll learn to experience relying upon yourself. And we’ll remove your parents so that you won’t be dissuaded from your mission.
Wayne: I accept that. But what about my parents? Who will best facilitate my life’s purpose?
God: You can select Melvin Lyle Dyer as your father. A prisoner, an alcoholic, and a thief, he’ll abandon you as a baby and never show up in your life. You’ll first practice hating him and seeking revenge, but you’ll ultimately forgive him, long after he’s left his body. This act of forgiveness will be the single-most important event of your life. It will put you on the path that you’re signing up for.
Wayne: And my mother?
God: Take Hazel Dyer, Lyle’s wife. Her compassion for all of her children will give you an example to follow. She’ll steadfastly work herself to the bone to reunite you and your brothers after ten years or so of her own suffering.
Wayne: Isn’t it an awfully cruel fate for my father?
God: Not at all. He signed up for this 25 years ago. He dedicated this entire lifetime to teach one of his children the lesson of forgiveness–a noble gesture, wouldn’t you say? And your mother is here to show you how true compassion shows up every day. Now get down there and participate in becoming a particle.
So, I wanted a certain learning experience, and I got my parents, who wanted a certain experience and got their parents, etc. and etc.
I remember reading in the Sanaya Roman book, Living with Joy, that we chose our particular parents so as to aim ourselves like a projectile in a certain direction, the direction of our life purpose. Like a projectile, and I don’t think she meant the spit wad kind, I think she meant like a missile or a ROCKET!
When I read stuff like that…I get all excited. I read that and I thought I want to be like a rocket! I want to find my unique life purpose! My true calling! Oh, boy, did that start that boulder rolling…only I wasn’t the boulder or behind the boulder or even riding on the boulder…I was standing in front of the boulder. If you’ve ever been in front of one, symbolically, then you know that they are not that easy to out run. You can try for a while, but it’s exhausting. And, eventually, you just have to stop and let it run over.
So, I might have started out a rocket…but I ended up a flat rocket…”Flat Amy.”
Why did I choose my particular parents? My mother was from a very large and religious farming family…they grew cotton and rice in Arkansas. She is a hardworking woman who is all about her Church and her family and likes to read, and although she would never admit it, I think she wanted to be a singer and maybe a poet.
My father was raised in Arkansas as well, but he was rebellious of Church and family to some degree, and I think, he wanted to do it all…play music, write, paint, sing, act and make movies. He’s very creative. He was the first person to teach me about metaphysics.
So, here I was a rocket, pointed somewhere between traditional, practical conservative…and freedom seeking, artsy rebel. They met in college, so I also had this intellectual umbrella.
But like I said, I was painfully shy. I would be at a babysitter’s house, and she would ask me if I wanted something to drink, and I would squeak out, “I don’t care.” Then she would say, “Do you want mustard?” And I would whisper, “I don’t care.” And finally, she would get frustrated and ask, “Does I don’t care mean, yes or no?!” And, I would say, “I don’t care.”
I don’t know what got into me, but I remember being at a pizza restaurant with my mom and one of her friends once, and we needed a box to put the left-over pizza in. And all of the sudden, I volunteered to go to the counter and ask for one. You would have thought I had shot my mother between the eyes. She stuttered, “Well, okay then.” And, I marched right up to the counter and conquered a to-go box. I guess, at some point, we all get tired of being small and voiceless.
It was somewhere around that time that my fiddle playing grandmother discovered I could play the guitar well enough to accompany her. So, she sat down with me and I learned how to play all of her favorite mountain tunes. It wasn’t long before she had me in a denim skirt and cowboy boots playing with her at fairs and festivals. Unfortunately, that was during my awkward age…lanky with braces on my teeth. But, she was able to get me far enough out of my shell to stand on stage…although I didn’t smile much.
It was still always hard to talk in front of people though. I hated oral book reports. First of all, I didn’t like to read and second of all, the idea of talking in front of my class made me sick to my stomach. But God always found a way to throw me in the ring.
And after college, the country music band I had graduated to playing with, for some unknown reason, managed to get a Nashville record deal…and off I was into the big ole world, traveling America in a tour bus and performing in front of thousands…all because I got up the nerve one day to ask for a to-go box.
LISTEN TO THE SONG: “TATTOOED IN THE CRADLE”
http://amyhitt.podbean.com/2009/06/08/tattooed-in-the-cradle/
So, I was in band with a record deal, but as fate would have it…tempers flared and events happened…and things didn’t work out like we had planned for them to…and the band broke-up. After that, I kept dabbling in songwriting for a while but ended up also working in media. I had conquered my shyness enough in college to get a degree in Radio and Television. Because when I was a kid, I not only wrote songs, but I also had a notebook full of movie ideas…probably because my father had taken some film classes. So, I followed that interest and chose to study Television instead of Music.
So after my band fiasco, I started a media business with a close friend of mine, and we got a unique opportunity. We were paid to go to a big prison and interview a man who was serving life for murder. He had been behind the prison walls for over thirty years. During all that time, his wife had never divorced or left him. Now that’s true love.
My friend and I had never been in a big prison, much less spoken to a convicted killer, much less interviewed one on camera, so we were scared to death. The prison guards ran us and our equipment through detection devices like at an airport, and then we were escorted behind the big steel doors. It was eerie. Chained prisoners were walking all around us.
I suppose we thought there would be some sort of division between us an our imprisoned interviewee, but alas, we ended up in a room with a nervous but smiling man in gray, sitting behind a desk. He had a notebook and a pen. This was after 9-11, so we were well aware that, if he was so inclined, he could kill us with that ink pen much less with his bare hands.
Trembling, we greeted him and sat up our equipment, praying it would work properly. There were two guards in the back of the room.
To this day, there is probably not one encounter that has made such an impression on me or my friend. To protect his privacy, I will refer to him as John Doe.
John told us how years before the bad break-up of his first marriage and being separated from his kids had sent him into a deep depression, which led to drug and alcohol abuse. The drugs had led him into a dangerously bad situation which had lead to two people losing their lives. He knew he was at the very least guilty by association, but he had no memory of the event. He says he regained consciousness and was told he was responsible for the deaths. I suppose we will never know the truth.
At the time of the murders, it was a bit of a high-profile case, so the prison officials, fearing for John’s safety from the other prisoners, put him in solitary confinement…an 8×10 cell…with a bible…and no human contact. He stayed there for three years.
Can you imagine? Three years with no human contact other than someone sliding food under the door and letting you walk in a small concrete yard a few minutes a day?
John said he never realized how soft grass was until the day he got out of solitary and was allowed to walk in another area of the prison yard that had grass. Do we ever bother to notice how grass feels? Or how blessed we are to be able to walk on it? I don’t.
Like many of our parents, John was raised during a time of corporeal punishment in the home. Spare not the rod, spoil not the child. He saw families on television with happy parents and children, but he didn’t know any families like that personally. Strangely enough though, his number one complaint about his childhood wasn’t about the beatings he received…it was the simple fact that his mother never held him. She never picked him up or held him in her lap. I would imagine the same was true of his mother’s upbringing. I’m sure she was probably never held either. The abused often inadvertently abuse.
It’s not surprising that a man with no human contact with his mother ended up in a place with no human contact period.
In the book, The Development of the Personality, Liz Greene states, “Because human beings have been around for so long, eons of time and the evolutionary processes have built up and structured into our psyches certain expectations which are passed down generation after generation–a kind of ‘cell wisdom.’ One of our built in expectations is that there is going to be a mother, or to get even more basic, that there is going to be a nipple. Even in the womb we have an expectation of a nipple–it is carried in our cell memory.” An expectation of a nipple.
John had an unfulfilled expectation of being nurtured…and he ended up in prison, which you might disagree but I believe is a nurturing type of institution. Even though the prisoners themselves are dangerous to one another…like siblings, prisons take care of a person’s basic needs. They feed you and house you and give you chores to do. They tell you when it’s time for the lights to go out…time to go to sleep…time to wake up.
In solitary confinement, John was forced to face all of his pent up anger. And it changed him. But his biggest change came from a warden, who as John said, “took an interest in him.” No one had ever taken an interest in him before. The warden got John into AA and encouraged him to get his GED. John went on to take college courses and ended up graduating with honors.
On graduation day, they took John off the prison grounds to attend the event which was being held at a local school. John had been in prison so long that he didn’t recognize much of the outside world. At one point during that day, he had to get a transport guard to help him figure out how to turn on the new-fangled restroom faucet. Graduation was a big accomplishment and a special day. I believe John’s mother got to see him receive his diploma.
John’s life was changed by a man who took an interest in him, and then John began to change the lives of other men, his fellow inmates. He became a prison minister. He helped the sick and dying prisoners. He taught new prisoners how to survive their first days in population. “Don’t get in anyone’s business but don’t let anyone get in your business,” he would instruct them. He told us the most dangerous man in a prison yard isn’t the angriest man, it’s the man who is most afraid.
Isn’t that the way it is on the outside as well?
He summed up our meeting by saying that he had decided the most important thing a person could do was discover his or her purpose, but he thought that was the hardest thing on Earth to figure out. We all decided that day, perhaps all of our purposes are the same…to love and be loved.
LISTEN TO THE SONG: “THE WALLS” (GOD’S GOT A PLAN)
http://amyhitt.podbean.com/2009/06/08/the-walls-gods-got-a-plan/
So, John had been “Tattooed in the Cradle” by a mother who didn’t quite know how to open herself to physical love, but through the help of a guardian angel, he had been able to change the quality of his life, whether or not he was able to change his physical circumstances.
A lot of us have physical circumstances we wish we could change. We might have bodies that don’t work right or relationships that are painful or jobs that are like prisons. We may have traumas from our past that we just can’t seem to get over.
There’s no sense wallowing in our childhood pain, but the past has to be dealt with if it stands in the way of our future, if it is keep us from our highest potential, from God’s will…our life purpose.
So, God gave us a blueprint of lessons to learn and parents who pointed us in the direction of those lessons…like a rocket. But, what is going to ignite that rocket fuel? What is going to make a little girl crawl out of a booth and find her voice at a pizza counter? What’s going to make a man get over the trauma of never being held, so he can learn to hold his fellow prisoners? What will give us the courage to conquer our conditioning and greet our highest potential with open arms. What is the spark that turns into a flame and sets our rocket ships into motion toward our unique personal stars?
Well, I can’t speak for everyone. My life has flipped and flopped like a fish out of water. I’ve tried almost everything at least once…mostly failing but learning a lot…and often making a complete circle…back where I started in the first place.
But one thing I have learned is that our Spirits long to be free. They are imprisoned within the cells of our bodies. And although the stability of structure and routine is often necessary for survival, what really gets our juices flowing is adventure. For example, the beginning of a brand new romance is full of adventure. We have no idea how each day is going to turn out. Each day is full and free.
The biggest gift you can give yourself is freedom. The freedom to speak your mind and to follow your heart. The freedom to do what you love. The freedom to love and be loved. Curiosity and exploration, freedom and adventure…these are the words and feelings that ignite the passions of our Souls.
Another thing I have learned is that you must make decisions. A lot of our lives are spent in conflict. You want to try something new but not lose what you have. Inner conflicts cause inner and outer chaos. It is very important that you choose your priorities and then accept them. Make decisions based on self-knowledge.
And once those passionate decisions are made…some might call them intentions…once those intentions are set…pray. But, don’t ask God to “give” you something, because that type of statement is disempowering…towards yourself. God would never disempower you. God expects full participation. So, ask God to “guide” you in the realization of your dreams and intentions. God gives guidance, and you do the work. You are the hands and feet of your Creator.
And then, expect things to workout but don’t be surprised if God up and raises all the stakes. Your highest potential may be WAY higher than you ever expected. You might get a whole lot more than just a pizza box.
LISTEN TO THE SONG: “WE ARE FREE”
http://amyhitt.podbean.com/2009/06/08/we-are-free/
BUY THE ALBUM “THE WALLS (GOD’S GOT A PLAN)” BY AMY HITT AT AMAZON.COM:
http://www.amazon.com/Walls-Gods-Got-Plan/dp/B002CGT1KK/
http://www.amyhitt.com